I was going to post this week about my experiences and challenges with the wedding invitation process, but that post can wait. There are a lot of emotions that you experience with wedding planning--I didn't expect grief to be one of them. Sadly, over the course of just one month, I lost three people from my guest list. Three people who were so important to me that I wanted them to be a part of this day, that I'd sent Save the Date Cards, that I now have to move from the list of invitations to the list for the "In Memoriam" table.
On September 16, my Godmother and aunt passed away in South Carolina. She was the one who held me in her arms and baptized me as a baby. I was going to ask her to be a sponsor for our cord/veil/coins ceremony. She was going to stand when the Godparents are asked to stand and be recognized. I was looking forward to seeing her again since she lived so far away, looking forward to hearing her laugh.
On September 24, my dear friend who called me her "Adopted Daughter" passed away from cancer. She loved how much I helped her in middle school when I was the library aid and she was the school librarian. We used to send each other Christmas cards every year. She gave me a special leather journal for my high school graduation. She was one of the reasons I became a librarian in the first place.
On September 26, dear fiancé's grandmother passed away at the age of 92. Not only was this a difficult loss for his entire family where she was truly the matriarch, but my fiancé had taken care of her once a week on Fridays for over six years. I would often visit her those evenings to spend time with my fiance and see how she was doing. I saw her every Sunday too when we went to his aunt's house for brunch.
It is hard enough to lose people you love, but it becomes even more difficult and just plain sad when you love, and miss, and regret. "If only I'd visited one more time." "If only I'd taken more pictures." "If only we'd picked a wedding date that was a little sooner." Six months isn't a very long engagement to begin with, but sometimes it's just a little too long. It's an awful feeling to think that these loved ones won't be at our wedding, but then I just have to remind myself that they will be there in spirit. That they aren't suffering. That just because they won't be at the wedding doesn't mean they weren't there for other milestones. They were there when they could be, and they loved us, and that's what matters.
Miss you all.
On September 16, my Godmother and aunt passed away in South Carolina. She was the one who held me in her arms and baptized me as a baby. I was going to ask her to be a sponsor for our cord/veil/coins ceremony. She was going to stand when the Godparents are asked to stand and be recognized. I was looking forward to seeing her again since she lived so far away, looking forward to hearing her laugh.
On September 24, my dear friend who called me her "Adopted Daughter" passed away from cancer. She loved how much I helped her in middle school when I was the library aid and she was the school librarian. We used to send each other Christmas cards every year. She gave me a special leather journal for my high school graduation. She was one of the reasons I became a librarian in the first place.
On September 26, dear fiancé's grandmother passed away at the age of 92. Not only was this a difficult loss for his entire family where she was truly the matriarch, but my fiancé had taken care of her once a week on Fridays for over six years. I would often visit her those evenings to spend time with my fiance and see how she was doing. I saw her every Sunday too when we went to his aunt's house for brunch.
It is hard enough to lose people you love, but it becomes even more difficult and just plain sad when you love, and miss, and regret. "If only I'd visited one more time." "If only I'd taken more pictures." "If only we'd picked a wedding date that was a little sooner." Six months isn't a very long engagement to begin with, but sometimes it's just a little too long. It's an awful feeling to think that these loved ones won't be at our wedding, but then I just have to remind myself that they will be there in spirit. That they aren't suffering. That just because they won't be at the wedding doesn't mean they weren't there for other milestones. They were there when they could be, and they loved us, and that's what matters.
Miss you all.
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| Top: Mrs. Absher Middle: Aunt Josie baptizing me Bottom: Grandma Fausta |
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