It's finally happened--10 years since my last boyfriend, five years with my current boyfriend, and 10 months after I turned the big 3-0. At long, long last, I can actually say (you know, without pretending) that I have a fiance. I can walk into David's Bridal and not feel the way adults feel walking into Chuck E. Cheese's: "This place is not for you. You can go in with those who do belong. You can look. But before the day is over, someone's going to end up crying."
Now I'm not one of those girls who, at four years old, would dress up in toilet paper veils and imagine the perfect dream wedding (I swear!). At four years old, I was more interested in being a doctor and a mom. Boys were nice, of course. I had my first crush in Kindergarten when Nicholas T. said he wanted to marry me. I figured that was cool and proceeded to "like like" Nick up until first grade when he started hanging out with the new girl, Jessica. A few weeks of this went by until I flat out asked him, "Who do you want to marry now? Jessica or Me?" (I was a lot bolder then). Nick replied, "I like you both!" Well, that was the end of that. Even at age six I had the sense to know that if a guy wasn't willing to commit, I shouldn't be sticking around.
Still, even though I didn't need a man, and didn't give much thought to a wedding, I did want romance, a relationship, and the eventual family that marriage would bring. This want lasted throughout my childhood, teenagerhood, and through two relationships that didn't work out. With my fiance, though, it was different. The need was stronger. The love was deeper. I was older, and though perhaps not wiser, definitely more attuned to the future. After dating for two years, I started picturing my name with his. After dating for four years, I bought a wedding cake-shaped bank to start saving. Now that I'm 30 and prepared, with a love of organization and planning anyway, I also want that big, pretty party.
So I'm celebrating the fact that I'm finally on my way and documenting the process in this blog, from proposal to "I do." Because I won't be a "bride to be" forever. I have a fiance who's willing to commit. I plan to stick around.
Now I'm not one of those girls who, at four years old, would dress up in toilet paper veils and imagine the perfect dream wedding (I swear!). At four years old, I was more interested in being a doctor and a mom. Boys were nice, of course. I had my first crush in Kindergarten when Nicholas T. said he wanted to marry me. I figured that was cool and proceeded to "like like" Nick up until first grade when he started hanging out with the new girl, Jessica. A few weeks of this went by until I flat out asked him, "Who do you want to marry now? Jessica or Me?" (I was a lot bolder then). Nick replied, "I like you both!" Well, that was the end of that. Even at age six I had the sense to know that if a guy wasn't willing to commit, I shouldn't be sticking around.
Still, even though I didn't need a man, and didn't give much thought to a wedding, I did want romance, a relationship, and the eventual family that marriage would bring. This want lasted throughout my childhood, teenagerhood, and through two relationships that didn't work out. With my fiance, though, it was different. The need was stronger. The love was deeper. I was older, and though perhaps not wiser, definitely more attuned to the future. After dating for two years, I started picturing my name with his. After dating for four years, I bought a wedding cake-shaped bank to start saving. Now that I'm 30 and prepared, with a love of organization and planning anyway, I also want that big, pretty party.
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| $12.99 at Target, Girls' Bedding section |
So I'm celebrating the fact that I'm finally on my way and documenting the process in this blog, from proposal to "I do." Because I won't be a "bride to be" forever. I have a fiance who's willing to commit. I plan to stick around.
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